International Order of Hoo-Hoo

 

The Concatenated Order of Hoo-Hoo was founded as a “fun” fraternal society for men involved in the lumber industry. Called today the “International Order,” it is principally American and publishes the Hoo-Hoo Log and Ta1ly Magazine quarterly. There were 7,300 members in 1994.

The Concatenated Order of Hoo-Hoo was founded on January 21, 1892, in Gurdon, Arkansas, to which its headquarters had returned at the time of this writing. In the intervening years, it has moved a long way from its intention, which was to fight superstition and conventionalism, and became a parody of established secret societies. It started out with the intention of having nothing that other orders possess. Originally, there were no lodge rooms. Meetings, or “concatenations,” were held in hotels, the first being at the St. Charles Hotel in New Orleans on February 18, 1892. Even the name is unique. “Hoo-hoo” is not some arcane lumberman’s distress call, but a word coined by one of the founders, Bolling Arthur Johnson, about a month before the order was founded. He used it to describe a lonesome tuft of hair on the head of one Charles H. McCarer. “Concatenated” referred both to the cat, which was chosen as the symbol, and to “concatenation,” or “linking together in a chain.”
The founding members were not just lumbermen. They also included railroad men (who transport lumber) and newspaper men (who cover it with print). The organization chose as its emblem a black cat, to show its disdain for superstition, and based much of its ritual on the cat’s nine lives. Their officers were the Supreme Nine, made up of the Snark, the Senior Hoo-Hoo, the Junior Hoo-Hoo, the Bojum or Boojum, the Scrivenotor, the Jabberwock, the Cuctocacian, the Arcanoper, and the Gurdon. The overall leader was the Snark of the Universe. One of the high points of the ritual was the Embalming of the Snark, by which process he passed into the House of Ancients.
The theme of nines was continued. In 1937, initiation cost was $9.99; annual dues were $0.99, and the constitution originally limited membership to 9,999, though that was subsequently changed to 99,999. There are also nine Ethical Principles, though it is not clear whether these were a part of the original conception or a subsequent addition as the order matured into respectability.
In 1909 (appropriate enough), it started down the slippery slope to seriousness with a funeral fund (raised by a $2 assessment against 3,000 members), which was fraught with actuarial loopholes. The relatives of decreased members were paid $250, which was no mean sum in 1909, and when the reserves fell too low, there would be another assessment.
In the absence of medical examinations and age limits, the Concatenated Order was playing actuarial Russian Roulette. The next change, therefore, was a requirement that no death benefits were payable for the first 60 days of membership.
By 1921, it was calling itself “a living, moving, inspiring Force! A force for good! A force for fellowship! A force for welding all lumbermen into a compact, humanitarian body for SERVICE [their capitals] to God, Family and Country.” It described itself at this time as “the Pioneer Business Fraternal Order of the World” and “the Largest Business Fraternal Order of the World.” It even put out such messages as “Radical and Bolshevist attacks on the organized business and personal property rights of America call for a sharp class association in every department of business life.”
In 1965, it threw out the “Concatenated” part of the title as being outdated. By the 1980s, it had so far forgotten itself as to dedicate itself to the promotion of lumber in many ways: by sponsoring exhibits at state and county fairs, paying lecturers, giving scholarships, giving awards for carpentry in vocational schools, and sponsoring tree-planting projects.

Concatenated Order of Hoo-Hoo
Initiation Ritual

1946

Initiation
 
The Snark calls Concatenation to order, announces officers in charge, requests all officers to assume their respective stations.
SNARK: Gurdon, you will now close the gate to the Gardens and see that no one is entitled to remain in the Gardens or is hereafter admitted to the Concatenation without being in possession of Card showing dues paid for the current year.
GURDON: Worthy Snark, your instructions shall be obeyed.
The Gurdon will instruct each member not in possession of Card for current year to pay his dues to the Scrivenoter and obtain temporary receipt for same.
SNARK: Great Hoo-Hoo greeting gives to his followers assembled here tonight. Custocatian, bring forth the Sacred Cat. Custocatian places Cat on Snark’s table. Make ready the Gardens, and prepare to welcome those from the outer darkness who seek the light of Hoo-Hoo land. Officers and members will now arise and join with me in giving the Sign of the Order. Sign is here given.
SNARK: Scrivenoter, read the petitions yon have on file, giving the full name of each applicant, address, occupation, name of firm or corporation connected with, and the report of the vicegerent and Membership Committee.
SCRIVENOTER: Worthy Snark and brothers, I have the following applications on file. Reads applications as directed.
SNARK: Since all applications have been approved we may ballot on them by motion, if there be no objection. If there is objection we will ballot on each applicant separately.
In the event that all are elected the initiation proceeds as per Ritual. If any applicants have been rejected by the vote, the Jabberwock, in an unostentatious manner, will advise such applicant and excuse him from further participation.
SNARK: Scrivenoter, you will furnish the Jabberwock with a list of the applicants elected and will turn the applications over to the Junior Hoo-Hoo, and you will see that all applications are returned to you so that you can send them to the Secretary. Jabberwock, you will now proceed to the anteroom, and conduct within the waving greenness of the Gardens Right and Left such pilgrims as you may find waiting without. You will select such assistants as you deem necessary for the safe conduct of the pilgrims.
Jabberwock, after saluting, proceeds to anteroom and there calls the roil of applicants from list furnished him by Scrivenoter, forming them into line, single file. During the absence of the Jabberwock, and before the Kittens are brought in, the Snark will request all members to remain seated during the Initiation, instructing that no one interfere in any manner with the Kittens, address them in any way, call “Step High” or give any information.
Kittens are now blindfolded, hands of each placed on the shoulders of man in front of him. Jabberwock should caution Kittens to maintain absolute silence during the initiation, obey all commands promptly, and answer all questions fully and correctly. The Kittens must not be costumed in this section of degree. Jabberwock then takes his position at head of line and leads them to the Gurdon, who stands just outside door of Hall.
JABBERWOCK: Gurdon, open the Gates and give us safe conduct to the Snark.
GURDON: It shall be done. Knocks three times on door, which is opened by Arcanoper.
ARCANOPER: Who waits without?
GURDON: Sightless Kittens, who creep and cry on their way to Hoo-Hoo Land. The Jabberwock conducts them.
ARCANOPER: Under such guidance they are permitted to pass the gateway of the Gardens. Even the blind may enter here, but none depart save those who have found the light and choose to walk in it.
JABBERWOCK: Follow me and fear not. Forward march!
The Jabberwock now enters with kittens and lines them up as close to the entry as possible, but not into the arena of the hall.
JABBERWOCK: Within the Gardens you are now approaching the light of Hoo-Hoo shines alike for all. There, worldly motives and responsibilities may for a time be laid aside, and naught be recognized but the Universal Brotherhood of Man. Great Hoo-Hoo is the very living spirit of Brotherhood. We gladly hail him Prince, for in his mirth there is wisdom, beneath his levity are hidden great truths. Come not ye in shallow mirth to the perfumed Gardens, but with mind and heart prepared to receive a serious lesson. By a journey tedious, and paths beset with final and test you can alone come to know Great Hoo-Hoo. here is a veritable mirror of life, life with its burden and toil, its light and shadow, its song and dirge. No boon men ever sought was found without its value being measured at last by that struggle in which it was won. Having been declared worthy of admission to the secret of the Nine Lives which we find in the Land of Health, Happiness and Long Life, you are new required to follow me and learn on what this boon depends. First, however, you must become a blind Kitten indeed and travel in darkness until Great Hoo-Hoo shall grant you open vision. Follow me. Forward, march!
Jabberwock conducts Kittens directly to Snark, forming them in line in front of his station.
JABBERWOCK: Oh, great Snark. Mindful of your majesty, I conduct to the hallowed circle of your magic empire here give number blind Kittens, who devoutly crave admission to the transcendent glories of Hoo-Hoo Land.
All officers except Snark and Jabberwock line up behind the Kittens.
SNARK: Most noble Jabberwock, thou art a true and tried subject. I know that thou wouldst not petition in behalf of the unworthy for entrance into the domain of Hoo-Hoo, but before these sprawling Kittens start upon their pilgrimage in our land of youth perpetual, they must pause upon the boundary of Hoo-Hoo Land. Listen reverently, ye wealdings, who still sprawl in the gloom of wondering darkness. Listen to the cat-tread of him, Great Hoo-Hoo, who comes from the heights of truth to open the eyes of the blind and the selfish, and you may yet be given sight, may yet look upon the face of his Prime Minister, may yet place your hands upon his sacred far. But first must you lie prostrate in the dust at his feet, and follow with alert ear as Hoo-Hoo, through his Snark of the Universe, now repeats to you the oath which you must solemnly take. Kneel!
ALL OFFICERS—IN UNISON—LED BY JUNIOR HOO-HOO: Hear, Oh, Hoo-Hoo, I the promises of these beings who seek Health, Happiness and Long Life.
SNARK: Suppliants, repeat the words Hoo-Hoo sends, even as I, his Snark, repeats them.
“I solemnly declare I that so long as my heart beats, so long as I breathe, so long as there is life in my body, I will never reveal to the purblind humans of this world any portion whatsoever of the ritual or rites of Hoo-Hoo, which come to me as I kneel here on the confines of his Empire of Perpetual Youth; that I will not reveal anything of what may transpire inside the Empire of Hoo-Hoo; as the servants of the Great Black Prince lead me through the pleasant lanes and shining gates to the Royal Presence.
“I further promise that I will aid in every way possible in the promotion of the welfare of our country and the interest of our Order and the Lumber Industry and do all in my power in the promotion of Friendship, Confidence and Education, in the life of Service so that to others, as well as myself, there may result Health, Happiness and Long Life.
“Oh, Great Hoo-Hoo, hear my vow.”
SNARK: You may arise. Jabberwock, you will conduct the Kittens to the Station of the Senior Hoo-Hoo, that he may explain the purpose of our Order, the duty each member owes it, to his fellow-members and to humanity.
Jabberwock conducts Kittens direct to the Station of the Senior Hoo-Hoo.
JABBERWOCK: Most Potent Senior Hoo-Hoo, by command of the Snark, I present these Kittens that you may explain to them the purpose and aims of our Order.
SENIOR HOO-HOO: Ye blind, give ear and listen well. The ancient motto of our Order is Health, Happiness and Long Life, and it is, too, the goal we seek. Its secret is not in the stars, not in some dark chamber of old Egypt’s temples or pyramids, but lies within our own hearts, to be discovered as Brotherly Love leads us into the Friendship, Confidence, Enlightenment and Service that will illuminate and bless others.
The object of our Order is to gather together in purely fraternal relations those who are engaged in the lumber industry, an industry whose extent, in its varying phases, is so vast that :ts conduct and influence are of tremendous concern to the human family. From the virgin forest, by way of ocean and rail, by spring flood and singing river, by mill, factory and yard, it carries the needed product to all the uses of man.
The cradle, swinging to lull innocent infancy to steep, or that which shall hold at last the dust of our now vigorous tenements of flesh at the end of earth’s brief trail; the homes that shrine life’s love and worth, its joy and sacrifice; the churches of God, where rest the altars of our variant faiths; the free academies of democracy; the temples of law, and literature, art and music, of finance and drama; the roaring mills and throbbing shops; the mighty leviathans that bridge the oceans, or the soaring mechanism of modern daring, that lifts man to beat against the upper sky, all that makes the outer robe of life is touched in its lowliness or its grandeur, by this great industry.
It is the duty of every one who steps into this Order to sense this noble function of the lumber fraternity, to guard well against the entrance here of the unworthy or the ineligible, for on the maintenance of a fit membership and a high ethical standard, the life and usefulness of Hoo-Hoo depend.
To live up to the motto and realize the object of the Order are the sole ends of this Brotherhood. We believe that the bringing in of all the men of the lumber industry, to gather under the banner that bears this Motto, to seek the practical education in method that ends in better serving society, will, through personal acquaintance and trust, lessen the strain of worry and business care, and so undergird the industry with Friendship and Confidence that the Co-operation shall tend to realize Health, Happiness and Long Life. Here every worthy man will find that which will feed those humanizing visions of life and business that are bound to make him the more a true servant of his fellows.
You will receive the unique and characteristic insignia of this great Brotherhood, the white, black and gold button, which must be worn in the left lapel of your coat. Without it you may receive no benefit or courtesy of the Order.
This Order makes it a glad duty to extend its benefits while a brother lives and not wholly to wait for the last silence and pity evoked by insensate clay.
Jabberwock, you will conduct the Kittens to the Snark that they may hear the Nine Commandments of Hoo-Hoo.
Jabberwock conducts Kittens direct to the station of the Snark.
JABBERWOCK: Worthy Snark, at the request of the Senior Hoo-Hoo, I again present these Kittens at your station.
SNARK: These candidates for Health, Happiness and Long Life, who stand before me with opening eyes, must now be fully tested. Before being put to the test, however, they will be given the Nine Commandments of Hoo-Hoo. Candidates, about face! As the name of each officer is called, let him approach the station of the Snark, salute, and transmit to these whose eyes will soon be open to the glories of the Gardens that portion of the message of Hoo-Hoo which is delegated to him and attach his signature to the Blank of Authority, all in accordance with Constitution and By-Laws.
The Snark will call on each Officer, and as his name is called the Officer will arise, the Snark will give command, “Advance”, and the Officer will advance to the center of Hall. The Snark will then command “Salute”, and the Officer will salute. The Snark will then ask, ‘What is your message?”, and the Officer will deliver his part of the Ritual as given.
GURDON: Kittens, listen to this first commandment: Hold the button of black and white and gold more sacred than all the decorations of potentates, for as love is more precious than gold, and Brotherhood above rubies in worth, so this button, speaking these two things within the golden circle, is beyond all the baubles of a court. Let no hand remove it from its place. Let no greed for money or preferment rob you of the right worthily to wear this emblem. It is small, but by it alone can you be recognized in Hoo-Hoo Land, and it speaks a great message. Without its modest whiteness, its stern black, guarding figure and glittering edge of gold, you cannot pass the outer gates of the Gardens where I stand guard. If your membership lapses, the button must be returned to the Secretary. Keep well the treasure—this is the First Commandment.
ARCANOPER: It was my pleasant privilege to greet you as you first entered from the outer darkness into the bright and shining light of Hoo-Hoo Land. You will soon have eyes that can look into the effulgent rays which health brings and happiness sheds—those conditions which give sweet benediction to the peaceful drifting away of white-haired and earth-rewarded years. When you pass my station at the inner gate, returning to the world, let the light you have received give life to a distressed brother needing that help which even a pittance gives. Only, remember this-to truly help, give something of yourself with the gift. So shall duty never compel me to deny you entrance to the Gardens. Live the truth and help the needy—this is the Second Commandment.
CUSTOCATIAN: I come not from afar where mingling darkness and light do blind, but stand close to Hoo-Hoo as he transmits yet six commandments, that you may be duly impressed with the importance of the duties you owe Hoo-Hoo, in the preservation of his robes of honor, his ritual of wisdom and those practical injunctions promulgated through the Custocatian. When you in turn come to handle the property of the Order, let duty carry you in fidelity to detail and such loyal obedience to authority as forms the hard-visaged ranks of fighting armies. Hoo-Hoo property will come into your hands in perfect order; keep and surrender it thus, for the good of Hoo-Hoo. Keep faith with HooHoo and with all men. This is the Third Commandment.
JABBERWOCK: I met you as you emerged from the outer darkness and will guide your footsteps through the waving greenness of the Gardens Right and Left; will watch over you in the trials and tests which ever come to those who travel in darkness. It is for me to bid you support the faltering steps of your Hoo-Hoo kindred in their times of temporary blindness. Remember that they are but human; that their feet are still in the green grass of the earth though their heads and lifted toward the upper sky, and failing oft, may still be brought to see again the sin of ingratitude, the beauty of love for mankind. So, reach out ever a hand to help, to reclaim—this is the Fourth Commandment.
BOJUM: I come from that station in the Gardens where you will be required to take upon yourselves a promise forever to cherish and protect the emblem of this Order. There you will be called upon to make the most humble obeisance ever required of you so long as Hoo-Hoo, the Prince of Good-fellowship and King of Kindness of Heart, lets his light shine upon your pathway. Give to none an intimation of that you hear or see here, when you have returned to the world of men. Be not selfish, be not ungrateful; help a Hoo-Hoo in actual distress; protect the honor and the virtue of the wives and daughters of all men; give for the love of giving; strengthen for the love of giving strength. This is Commandment the Fifth in the Nine points of the Star of Hoo-Hoo.
SCRIVENOTER: The work of the Scrivesoter, no less than that of the Custocatian, teaches the lesson that loyalty is the small things of life leads to success. It is the duty of the Secretary to have bound and filed on the shelf of honor in the archives of Hoo-Hoo what you have said here of your past lives, that has given us license to call you worthy to walk in Hoo-Hoo Land and taste its benefits. It will also be his duty to fill in the blank space alloted to your future acts of life. See to it that he is never compelled to write in it “unworthy”, and thus terminate your connection with the Order to which you tonight pledge allegiance. This is the Sixth Commandment.
JUNIOR HOO-HOO: I ask you to remember the lessons, and the joy and mirth of the Garden of the Left. It will be kindly; it will be healthful; it will give action to the bodily muscle and brain cell; it will be better than the mandrake root of America or quinine of Peru to tone the system and oil the machinery of the body, giving health, inspiring happiness, and securing long life. Therefore I bid you make mirth and to love laughter of soul. This is Commandment the Seventh.
SENIOR HOO-HOO: Remember carefully the tradition of Hoo-Hoo you will hear in the Garden of the Right. Hoo-Hoo can abide in the earth only when its civilization is good, its manhood upright, its laws obeyed. Therefore, preserve the laws of civilization, uphold the laws of the land. There are higher planes of life yet untrod by man, and fallow soil now warm and waiting for the ploughshares of those who will sow the seed of love and light. Loyalty to your country and civilization will move us ever forward to the time when the hills and the skies, the seas and the mountains, and earth’s valleys will all echo back Health, Happiness and Long Life. Carry ye peace and good will to all mankind. This is Commandment the Eighth.
SNARK: Kittens, About Face! You have heard the Eight Commandments; the Ninth is to obey the other Eight, for only our obedience and yours can make them vital. Kittens, ever remember the lessons that Hoo-Hoo teaches. It is now enjoined upon you that, in commemoration of the nine lives of the cat, you travel by three times three through nine circuits, and when three circuits have been completed, you will be presented to the Senior Hoo-Hoo for instruction. Jabberwock, you will conduct them.
Jabberwock conducts Candidates three times around the Hall, halts them at the Station of the Senior Hoo-Hoo.
JABBERWOCK: Most Potent Senior Hoo-Hoo, under the mandate of the Snark of the Universe, I here present these Kittens for instruction.
SENIOR HOO-HOO: Weak-eyed wanderers in the infirm and sick old world, you stand in the pearly light of breaking dawn in Hoo-Hoo Land. The Snark of the Universe has looked upon your faces and pronounced them noble; the followers of Hoo-Hoo on. earth have carefully perused what you have been pleased to say of yourselves and have pronounced you worthy of admission within the shadow Hoo-Hoo throws upon the earth tonight. Listen to the true story of Hoo-Hoo as handed down from days beyond the pyramids of Ancient Egypt.
Hoe-Boo is Emperor of Happiness, of Health, of Long Life; the living spirit of love and brotherhood. Hoo-Hoo once lived in the bodies of a mighty dynasty. When the last Pharaoh of Old Egypt passed to the hall of Osiris, Great Hoo-Hoo took up his abode beyond the confines of earth, only returning from his cloud-encircled abode in the year of the calendar Gregorian numbered 1892. Now he abides with men and will build up his kingdom till it encircles the earth.
Know, too, Oh weaklings, that Hoo-Hoo is a merry prince; that all these funereal trappings are but the outer form in which he hides from the common mob, as yet unfitted to enter into the secrets of his life. Know, chosen ones, that you have been favored above them; that you are about to be led into Hoo-Hoo Land where the sun of good-fellowship ever shines, and the fervor of his beam brings the human heart to its blossoming.
SNARK: Hold, Most Potent Senior Hoo-Hoo! Reveal not yet all the effulgent blaze of Hoo-Hoo Land to such tender eyes.
SENIOR HOO-HOO: ‘Tis well, weaklings. The Snark speaks ever wisely. Jabberwock, conduct the Kittens again by devious windings thrice about the Gardens, thence to the Bojum, that he may give them more light and strength.
Jabberwock conducts Kittens three times about the Hall, halting at the Station of the Bojum.
JABBERWOCK: Oh, Great Bojum, by direction of the Senior Hoo-Hoo I present these Kittens that they may hear a final message before they are permitted to enter the higher degrees of Hoo-Hoo.
BOJUM: You have been halted at this gateway to Hoo-Hoo Land to receive a final message before you are eligible to enter the Biographical Degree of Hoo-Hoo.
From the beginning, man, standing on the reef of time, has endeavored to pierce the mystery of his being, but the question as to whence he came and whither he shall go remains unanswered. The Fates gave no sign. The stars on which the Chaldean bent inquiring eyes were silent. Dumb were the Oracles of Greece; in vain the divination of the Roman; and today, the best that seer or priest can offer us is hope. But for our consolation, and yours, who enter tonight the mystic circle, out of the mists and shadows which stand between us and the splendid philosophy of assurance, Great Hoo-Hoo steps forth, unfolding those living principles of universal brotherhood, everlasting as the hills, which are net only the foundation of our Order, but the surest promise to us, wherever we may go, whatever we may do, or be, here or in the realms remoter, of an existence beyond the shadows. This Ritual, within the covers of which these eternal principles of life are contained, is a precious treasure which it will be your duty, as it is ours, to guard against the touch of profane hands or irreverent lips.
As you proceed along this beautiful road of enlightenment there will be revealed to you, through Our Code of Ethics, the Aims and Purposes of this great Brotherhood which you should strive to measure up to.
With this message to guide you I declare you eligible for the Biographical Degree of Hoo-Hoo. Jabberwock, you will again present these Kittens to the Snark.
Jabberwock presents the Kittens to the Snark’s station.
JABBERWOCK: Oh, Great Snark, I, again, bring before you these Kittens who have taken the Initiatory Degree of Hoo-Hoo and who desire to travel further into the land of Perpetual Youth. What are your instructions?
SNARK: Kittens, Great Hoo-Hoo is pleased with your desire to see and learn of the beauty and mysteries of the Garden of the Left. The Garden of the Left holds many great truths net revealed to you in the Garden of the Right, but before you may learn these truths the Guardian of the Ritual will obligate you to utmost secrecy. Jabberwock, present the Kittens to the Bojum that he may obligate them.
The Jabberwock conducts the Kittens direct to the station of the Bojum.
BOJUM: You have again been halted at this gateway to Hoo-Hoo Land to assume an obligation. We impose no oath with blood-curdling penalties. You stand here simply as men before men, to pledge yourselves by what should be dearest to you—your honor as men. You are to seal this obligation by saluting what is dearest to our Order, the Sacred Ritual of Hoo-Hoo, set apart for the purpose. This Ritual is precious, not because of the intrinsic value of the sparkling gems which adorn its cover, but because it contains the traditions of Hoo-Hoo, the teachings which have come down to us from the days before the Pyramids.
Do you so pledge?
KITTENS: I do.
BOJUM: The Guardian of the Ritual will now present it to each in turn, and upon its covers you must imprint an audible kiss. When this ceremony has been finished, the hoodwinks will be raised, and for a brief moment you will be permitted to gaze upon the magic symbol which it bears.
When the hoodwinks are raised, the Bojum, holding the ... in reverse, shall say: Behold that which you have kissed.
Here is sought to be created one of those sharp contrasts between the solemn and the ridiculous that is the true essence of humor. The Bojum’s charge, when properly read, is exceptionally impressive. The actual act he enjoins is indescribably funny. While the Bojum is reading the charge the Snark must impose absolute silence upon all, and Kittens must not in any way be warned what to expect. Hoodwinks mast not be raised until after all have kissed the Ritual, for if the mask is raised for each individual candidate it will be impossible to maintain order and secure the result wanted.
BOJUM: The performance of this ceremony entitles you to the full mysteries of the Biographical Degree, or the Degree of the Playful Kitten. The Jabberwock will conduct you through the three remaining circuits to the Junior Hoo-Hoo that he may instruct and test you.
The Jabberwock will see that all Kitten are blindfolded and that his assistants have arranged a sufficient number of chairs in front of the Junior Hoo-Hoo’s station, facing the Senior Hoo-Hoo, to seat all the Kittens and that the Custocatian has all materials ready for use, as directed by the Junior Hoo-Hoo. The Snark will maintain perfect order in the Hail and all will be required to be seated except these assisting the Junior Hoo-Hoo, the Jabberwock, and the Custocatian. All these officers will obstruct the view of the members as little as possible.
JABBERWOCK: Most Valiant Junior Hoo-Hoo, by command of the Bojum I here present these Kittens who, having taken the oath of secrecy, are new before you to receive further instructions and the tests of the Order.
JUNIOR HOO-HOO: From time immemorial it has been the custom of Hoo-Hoo to demand from each stranger who entered his domain as a suppliant for his favor, a test of his mental and physical capacity, the test being directed to that which would tend to divert and interest. “A little nonsense new and then is relished by the best of men.” Kings sometimes unbend, and even Great Hoo-Hoo himself is at times pleased and amused by those lighter trifles which interest and entertain ordinary mortals. From behind the somber curtains occasional rays of his smiling brilliance shine out upon us, and are a constant source of increased Health, Happiness and Long Life. Great Hoo-Hoo demands that sour physical condition and capacity be fully tested in order that we may know whether or not you will be able to stand the further tests demanded of all who walk in the light. Above his throne is written: “No weakling enters here.” You will, therefore, submit yourselves to the three tests of the senses.
ALL OFFICERS: The tests! The tests! The tests!
Before proceeding further the Junior Hoo-Hoo will request that no member touch or assist any Kitten during these tests. Jabberwock and assistants seat the candidates.
JUNIOR HOO-HOO: Kittens be seated.
Place your left hand on your breast and your right hand on your Hoo-Hoo.
JUNIOR HOO-HOO, after waiting a few seconds for all to see: Your Hoo-Hoo is the top of your head.
“Let this be a lesson to you. Keep ever in mind that your Hoo-Hoo will guide you wisely always if you will but maintain the co-ordination with your heart. It will guide you not only to bigger and better things in your every day business life, but in the clean, wholesome social events which tend to make life worthwhile.”
 
The Libation
Junior Hoo-Hoo will follow instructions fully as to the test.
JUNIOR HOO-HOO: You will first drink from the fountain of youth, long sought for by the ancients as a source of perpetual youth and beauty, for which even Ponce De Leon searched ever a new continent in vain, but found at last only by the followers of Great Hoo-Hoo. You will take in year right hand the beaker filled with the immortal liquid, which I now present to you, and hold it above your Hoo-Hoo. At the command, “Drink,” you will drain it to the dregs. DRINK!
After a brief pause the Junior Hoo-Hoo proceeds.
 
The Perfume
JUNIOR HOO-HOO: You will now smell the ... BREATH. Sweeter is it than the spices of Araby or the flowers that bloom in the spring. Let your inhalations of it be long and deep.
Junior Hoo-Hoo here passes in front of the Kittens and gives each a chance to smell.
 
The Banquet
JUNIOR HOO-HOO: One more test remains. Members of the Concatenated Order of Hoo-Hoo must be men of large kidney and strong stomach. As a test of the latter, and as a feast symbolical of the origin of the Order, I now present you with a piece of quivering ... fresh from our altar. Eat it, in token of your fitness for membership in our Order and in obedience to its law. EAT IT!
After Kittens have eaten and silence is again secured, Junior Hoo-Hoo turns to Snark and says: Worthy Snark! The Kittens have been duly tested. What are your commands?
SNARK: Most Valiant Junior Hoo-Hoo, you are fully aware of what is required of all Kittens seeking the light of Hoo-Hoo Land. From time immemorial the unfit and unwanted Kitten has been consigned to a watery grave. Rather than sentence these to that last dire and moist fate, let us pause. If you are not satisfied with the tests of these Kittens and feel that they have not been given every opportunity to prove themselves worthy of admittance, you are hereby authorized to give them such further tests as you deem necessary or advisable. We certainly do not want to deprive any Kitten of the opportunity to prove his possession of the physical and mental qualifications required of all who seek the light.
JUNIOR HOO-HOO: Jabberwock, you will conduct the Kittens into the outer darkness, there to await the further pleasure of Hoo-Hoo.
The Jabberwock conducts all Kittens to the ante-room. The Junior Hoo-Hoo and Snark have before this agreed to whom further work is to be given. Those to be tested remain in the ante-room. Those excused from further work are brought into the Concat hall and seated in the “Onion Bed.”
NOTE: This portion of the ceremony of initiation is under direct charge of the Junior Hoo-Hoo and such assistants as he may select and appoint, and may be varied to suit the occasion. Anything, however, which is opposed to morality or decency, or which may threaten personal injury to the Kittens, is strictly prohibited. If the Snark has maintained good order in the hall, during the conferring of the Ritual and all the foregoing part has been administered with that solemnity which its impressiveness merits, a sharp contrast will have been created with what is to follow, which will immeasurably aid the Junior Hoo-Hoo in doing really effective work. If, however, the Snark has not maintained decorum and has permitted disorder to develop, nothing the Junior can say or do will be new or surprising.
As the Junior finishes with each Kitten, he is seated by the Jabberwock with the other Kittens in the onion-bed. The Junior will refer to the Junior ritual for his aid in the work that follows here and, as above stated, will see that nothing is allowed that is opposed to morality or decency, or which may threaten personal injury to any one.
After the Kittens have passed through the Junior work and are seated in the onion-bed, and when all is ready to resume, the Junior will say in loud tones:
JUNIOR HOO-HOO: Jabberwock, present all the Kittens at my station.
Jabberwock lines up all Kittens before Junior Hoo-Hoo, without blindfold and with costumes removed.
JUNIOR HOO-HOO: Kittens, I congratulate you upon the excellence with which you have responded. The tests are satisfactory to Great Hoo-Hoo, and he bids you a hearty welcome. You have been duly tested, and your long journey and arduous tasks are now to end. Hoo-Hoo, salute those who tonight have been duly born.
ALL MEMBERS led by Junior Hoo-Hoo: One-two-three-four-five-six-seven-eight-nine-by-the-tail-of-the-great-Black-Cat-Black-Cat-Hoo-Hoo.
JUNIOR HOO-HOO: Jabberwock, present the Kittens to the Snark of the Universe, that he may communicate to them the secret work of the Order.
Jabberwock conducts Kittens to the station of the Snark.
JABBERWOCK: Oh, Great Snark! by direction of the Junior Hoo-Hoo, I present these Kittens that they may be instructed in the secret work of the Order.
SNARK: We now come to the closing ceremonies and I shall proceed to deliver to you the great message embodied in our Code of Ethics. Listen well.
As a courtesy to any visiting officer of Hoo-Hoo it is suggested that the Snark invite him to read the Code of Ethics to the Concatenation.
SNARK (or whoever reads the Code of Ethics): Kittens, this Code of Ethics which I am about to read to you represents the Aims and Purposes of the Order. You will be given a copy of them later and these Aims and Purposes of the Order should become the individual standard of every good Hoo-Hoo.
 
 
HOO-HOO CODE OF ETHICS
 
Our Aims:
 
One
To fill with credit the sphere in which we are placed without interfering with the rights of others.
 
Two
To promote human advancement and higher standards of civic, social and economic relations by developing in business the spirit of the Golden Rule, which we accept as the basic principle of peace and prosperity for the world.
 
Three
To establish the spoken word on the basis of the written bond.
 
Four
To cultivate true friendship and therefore confidence among persons engaged in the lumber industry, modifying the freedom of competition with the good sense of understanding.
 
Five
To conduct ourselves and our business so that we may render service to society.
 
Six
To consider our vocation worthy and to be worthy of our vocation as the Nation’s home-builders.
 
Seven
To assist liberally and sympathetically all that seeks to elevate humanity, by charity of action and thought and by justice to all men through the “Square Deal.”
 
Eight
To keep in view the world bonds of human interest and trade, seeking to promote friendly understanding among all nations and races.
 
Nine
To recognize the abiding power of co-operation and organization and so to act as individuals that the Concatenated Order of Hoo-Hoo shall ever be regarded with honor as a source of community benefit and good-will.
 
SNARK: These things which I am about to transmit cannot be given to you outside the guarded gates of the Gardens, and mark ye well each point.
The sign of ceremony or recognition, called the Royal Challenge of Kinship, consists of the following short colloquy:
Have some brother step forward who has button on, and explain position, etc.
Question: Is that a ...?
Answer: Yes, a ..., ... with a ..., ...
Question: What is your purpose?
Answer: Promotion of ..., ... and ...
This colloquy is also used by the Gurdon at the outer door before admitting you to a Concatenation already assembled.
There is no grip.
The sign of distress is ...
When the sign of distress cannot be seen or made, the following may be used .... The Sign of Courtesy, known also as the Sign of the Order, and so called in the obligation, is ... This sign may be used as a salute between members when they meet. It is given three times during the ceremonies of opening and closing a Concatenation, and is used once only as a salute upon entering or retiring from a Concatenation, and whenever addressing the Snark.
You will receive from the Secretary your Hoo-Hoo name. It will be a number.
May I once mere remind you that in Hoo-Hoo, the only fraternal organization of lumbermen the world has ever known, there are more values than at first appear. Here burns the fire upon our altar whose glow reveals your business competitor not as an enemy, but a brother; that our destiny and happiness are one, and that as we give ourselves to planting the seeds of Friendship and Confidence we shall be better fitted to do that which business is properly designed to do. This concludes the ceremonies of initiation, and with great pleasure I welcome you to full membership in the Concatenated Order of Hoo-Hoo.
You will be seated among your brothers.
After all are seated and quiet is restored:
SNARK: Before closing this Concatenation, I desire to ask if any member has any business referring to the Order to bring before the Concatenation, to be submitted to the Supreme Nine for their action.
This refers to any criticisms or instructions for the good of the Order.
SNARK: Officers and members, rise and give the Sign of the Order. In accordance with the established rites of Hoo-Hoo, and by virtue of the power in me vested by this Scroll of Authority holds up Blank of Authority which has been signed by all the officers I declare this Concatenation dissolved. Arcanoper, throw wide the gates of the Gardens, and permit the light of Hoo-Hoo to shine forth like the rays of a beacon through the darkness of the outer world.

 

 

 

         

Museum Home Page     Phoenixmasonry Home Page

Copyrighted © 1999 - 2013   Phoenixmasonry, Inc.      The Fine Print