International Order of Hoo-Hoo
The Concatenated Order of Hoo-Hoo was founded as a
“fun” fraternal society for men involved in the lumber industry. Called today
the “International Order,” it is principally American and publishes the
Hoo-Hoo Log and Ta1ly Magazine quarterly. There were 7,300 members in
The Concatenated Order of Hoo-Hoo was founded on January
21, 1892, in Gurdon, Arkansas, to which its headquarters had returned at the
time of this writing. In the intervening years, it has moved a long way from
its intention, which was to fight superstition and conventionalism, and became
a parody of established secret societies. It started out with the intention of
having nothing that other orders possess. Originally, there were no lodge
rooms. Meetings, or “concatenations,” were held in hotels, the first being at
the St. Charles Hotel in New Orleans on February 18, 1892. Even the name is
unique. “Hoo-hoo” is not some arcane lumberman’s distress call, but a word
coined by one of the founders, Bolling Arthur Johnson, about a month before
the order was founded. He used it to describe a lonesome tuft of hair on the
head of one Charles H. McCarer. “Concatenated” referred both to the cat, which
was chosen as the symbol, and to “concatenation,” or “linking together in a
The founding members were not just lumbermen. They also
included railroad men (who transport lumber) and newspaper men (who cover it
with print). The organization chose as its emblem a black cat, to show its
disdain for superstition, and based much of its ritual on the cat’s nine
lives. Their officers were the Supreme Nine, made up of the Snark, the Senior
Hoo-Hoo, the Junior Hoo-Hoo, the Bojum or Boojum, the Scrivenotor, the
Jabberwock, the Cuctocacian, the Arcanoper, and the Gurdon. The overall leader
was the Snark of the Universe. One of the high points of the ritual was the
Embalming of the Snark, by which process he passed into the House of Ancients.
The theme of nines was continued. In 1937, initiation cost
was $9.99; annual dues were $0.99, and the constitution originally limited
membership to 9,999, though that was subsequently changed to 99,999. There are
also nine Ethical Principles, though it is not clear whether these were a part
of the original conception or a subsequent addition as the order matured into
In 1909 (appropriate enough), it started down the slippery
slope to seriousness with a funeral fund (raised by a $2 assessment against
3,000 members), which was fraught with actuarial loopholes. The relatives of
decreased members were paid $250, which was no mean sum in 1909, and when the
reserves fell too low, there would be another assessment.
In the absence of medical examinations and age limits, the
Concatenated Order was playing actuarial Russian Roulette. The next change,
therefore, was a requirement that no death benefits were payable for the first
60 days of membership.
By 1921, it was calling itself “a living, moving, inspiring
Force! A force for good! A force for fellowship! A force for welding all
lumbermen into a compact, humanitarian body for SERVICE [their capitals] to
God, Family and Country.” It described itself at this time as “the Pioneer
Business Fraternal Order of the World” and “the Largest Business Fraternal
Order of the World.” It even put out such messages as “Radical and Bolshevist
attacks on the organized business and personal property rights of America call
for a sharp class association in every department of business life.”
In 1965, it threw out the
“Concatenated” part of the title as being outdated. By the 1980s, it had so
far forgotten itself as to dedicate itself to the promotion of lumber in many
ways: by sponsoring exhibits at state and county fairs, paying lecturers,
giving scholarships, giving awards for carpentry in vocational schools, and
sponsoring tree-planting projects.
Concatenated Order of Hoo-Hoo
The Snark calls Concatenation to order, announces officers in
charge, requests all officers to assume their respective stations.
Gurdon, you will now close the gate to the Gardens and see that no one is
entitled to remain in the Gardens or is hereafter admitted to the
Concatenation without being in possession of Card showing dues paid for the
Worthy Snark, your instructions shall be obeyed.
The Gurdon will instruct each member not in possession of Card
for current year to pay his dues to the Scrivenoter and obtain temporary
receipt for same.
Great Hoo-Hoo greeting gives to his followers assembled here tonight.
Custocatian, bring forth the Sacred Cat.
table. Make ready the Gardens, and prepare to welcome those from
the outer darkness who seek the light of Hoo-Hoo land. Officers and members
will now arise and join with me in giving the Sign of the Order.
Sign is here given.
Scrivenoter, read the petitions yon have on file, giving the full name of each
applicant, address, occupation, name of firm or corporation connected with,
and the report of the vicegerent and Membership Committee.
Worthy Snark and brothers, I have the following applications on file.
Reads applications as directed.
Since all applications have been approved we may ballot on them by motion, if
there be no objection. If there is objection we will ballot on each applicant
In the event that all are elected the initiation proceeds as
per Ritual. If any applicants have been rejected by the vote, the Jabberwock,
in an unostentatious manner, will advise such applicant and excuse him from
Scrivenoter, you will furnish the Jabberwock with a list of the applicants
elected and will turn the applications over to the Junior Hoo-Hoo, and you
will see that all applications are returned to you so that you can send them
to the Secretary. Jabberwock, you will now proceed to the anteroom, and
conduct within the waving greenness of the Gardens Right and Left such
pilgrims as you may find waiting without. You will select such assistants as
you deem necessary for the safe conduct of the pilgrims.
Jabberwock, after saluting, proceeds to anteroom and there
calls the roil of applicants from list furnished him by Scrivenoter, forming
them into line, single file. During the absence of the Jabberwock, and before
the Kittens are brought in, the Snark will request all members to remain
seated during the Initiation, instructing that no one interfere in any manner
with the Kittens, address them in any way, call “Step High” or give any
Kittens are now blindfolded, hands of each placed on the
shoulders of man in front of him. Jabberwock should caution Kittens to
maintain absolute silence during the initiation, obey all commands promptly,
and answer all questions fully and correctly. The Kittens must not be costumed
in this section of degree. Jabberwock then takes his position at head of line
and leads them to the Gurdon, who stands just outside door of Hall.
Gurdon, open the Gates and give us safe conduct to the Snark.
It shall be done. Knocks three times on door,
which is opened by Arcanoper.
Who waits without?
Sightless Kittens, who creep and cry on their way to Hoo-Hoo Land. The
Jabberwock conducts them.
Under such guidance they are permitted to pass the gateway of the Gardens.
Even the blind may enter here, but none depart save those who have found the
light and choose to walk in it.
Follow me and fear not. Forward march!
The Jabberwock now enters with kittens and lines them up as
close to the entry as possible, but not into the arena of the hall.
Within the Gardens you are now approaching the light of Hoo-Hoo shines alike
for all. There, worldly motives and responsibilities may for a time be laid
aside, and naught be recognized but the Universal Brotherhood of Man. Great
Hoo-Hoo is the very living spirit of Brotherhood. We gladly hail him Prince,
for in his mirth there is wisdom, beneath his levity are hidden great truths.
Come not ye in shallow mirth to the perfumed Gardens, but with mind and heart
prepared to receive a serious lesson. By a journey tedious, and paths beset
with final and test you can alone come to know Great Hoo-Hoo. here is a
veritable mirror of life, life with its burden and toil, its light and shadow,
its song and dirge. No boon men ever sought was found without its value being
measured at last by that struggle in which it was won. Having been declared
worthy of admission to the secret of the Nine Lives which we find in the Land
of Health, Happiness and Long Life, you are new required to follow me and
learn on what this boon depends. First, however, you must become a blind
Kitten indeed and travel in darkness until Great Hoo-Hoo shall grant you open
vision. Follow me. Forward, march!
Jabberwock conducts Kittens directly to Snark, forming them in
line in front of his station.
Oh, great Snark. Mindful of your majesty, I conduct to the hallowed circle of
your magic empire here
blind Kittens, who devoutly crave admission to the transcendent glories of
All officers except Snark and Jabberwock line up behind the
Most noble Jabberwock, thou art a true and tried subject. I know that thou
wouldst not petition in behalf of the unworthy for entrance into the domain of
Hoo-Hoo, but before these sprawling Kittens start upon their pilgrimage in our
land of youth perpetual, they must pause upon the boundary of Hoo-Hoo Land.
Listen reverently, ye wealdings, who still sprawl in the gloom of wondering
darkness. Listen to the cat-tread of him, Great Hoo-Hoo, who comes from the
heights of truth to open the eyes of the blind and the selfish, and you may
yet be given sight, may yet look upon the face of his Prime Minister, may yet
place your hands upon his sacred far. But first must you lie prostrate in the
dust at his feet, and follow with alert ear as Hoo-Hoo, through his Snark of
the Universe, now repeats to you the oath which you must solemnly take. Kneel!
ALL OFFICERS—IN UNISON—LED BY JUNIOR HOO-HOO:
Hear, Oh, Hoo-Hoo, I the promises of these beings who seek Health, Happiness
and Long Life.
Suppliants, repeat the words Hoo-Hoo sends, even as I, his Snark, repeats
solemnly declare I that so long as my heart beats, so long as I breathe, so
long as there is life in my body, I will never reveal to the purblind humans
of this world any portion whatsoever of the ritual or rites of Hoo-Hoo, which
come to me as I kneel here on the confines of his Empire of Perpetual Youth;
that I will not reveal anything of what may transpire inside the Empire of
Hoo-Hoo; as the servants of the Great Black Prince lead me through the
pleasant lanes and shining gates to the Royal Presence.
further promise that I will aid in every way possible in the promotion of the
welfare of our country and the interest of our Order and the Lumber Industry
and do all in my power in the promotion of Friendship, Confidence and
Education, in the life of Service so that to others, as well as myself, there
may result Health, Happiness and Long Life.
Great Hoo-Hoo, hear my vow.”
You may arise. Jabberwock, you will conduct the Kittens to the Station of the
Senior Hoo-Hoo, that he may explain the purpose of our Order, the duty each
member owes it, to his fellow-members and to humanity.
Jabberwock conducts Kittens direct to the Station of the Senior
Most Potent Senior Hoo-Hoo, by command of the Snark, I present these Kittens
that you may explain to them the purpose and aims of our Order.
Ye blind, give ear and listen well. The ancient motto of our Order is Health,
Happiness and Long Life, and it is, too, the goal we seek. Its secret is not
in the stars, not in some dark chamber of old Egypt’s temples or pyramids, but
lies within our own hearts, to be discovered as Brotherly Love leads us into
the Friendship, Confidence, Enlightenment and Service that will illuminate and
object of our Order is to gather together in purely fraternal relations those
who are engaged in the lumber industry, an industry whose extent, in its
varying phases, is so vast that :ts conduct and influence are of tremendous
concern to the human family. From the virgin forest, by way of ocean and rail,
by spring flood and singing river, by mill, factory and yard, it carries the
needed product to all the uses of man.
cradle, swinging to lull innocent infancy to steep, or that which shall hold
at last the dust of our now vigorous tenements of flesh at the end of earth’s
brief trail; the homes that shrine life’s love and worth, its joy and
sacrifice; the churches of God, where rest the altars of our variant faiths;
the free academies of democracy; the temples of law, and literature, art and
music, of finance and drama; the roaring mills and throbbing shops; the mighty
leviathans that bridge the oceans, or the soaring mechanism of modern daring,
that lifts man to beat against the upper sky, all that makes the outer robe of
life is touched in its lowliness or its grandeur, by this great industry.
the duty of every one who steps into this Order to sense this noble function
of the lumber fraternity, to guard well against the entrance here of the
unworthy or the ineligible, for on the maintenance of a fit membership and a
high ethical standard, the life and usefulness of Hoo-Hoo depend.
live up to the motto and realize the object of the Order are the sole ends of
this Brotherhood. We believe that the bringing in of all the men of the lumber
industry, to gather under the banner that bears this Motto, to seek the
practical education in method that ends in better serving society, will,
through personal acquaintance and trust, lessen the strain of worry and
business care, and so undergird the industry with Friendship
and Confidence that the Co-operation shall tend to realize Health, Happiness
and Long Life. Here every worthy man will find that which will feed those
humanizing visions of life and business that are bound to make him the more a
true servant of his fellows.
will receive the unique and characteristic insignia of this great Brotherhood,
the white, black and gold button, which must be worn in the left lapel of your
coat. Without it you may receive no benefit or courtesy of the Order.
Order makes it a glad duty to extend its benefits while a brother lives and
not wholly to wait for the last silence and pity evoked by insensate clay.
Jabberwock, you will conduct the Kittens to the Snark that they may hear the
Nine Commandments of Hoo-Hoo.
Jabberwock conducts Kittens direct to the station of the Snark.
Worthy Snark, at the request of the Senior Hoo-Hoo, I again present these
Kittens at your station.
These candidates for Health, Happiness and Long Life, who stand before me with
opening eyes, must now be fully tested. Before being put to the test, however,
they will be given the Nine Commandments of Hoo-Hoo. Candidates, about face!
As the name of each officer is called, let him approach the station of the
Snark, salute, and transmit to these whose eyes will soon be open to the
glories of the Gardens that portion of the message of Hoo-Hoo which is
delegated to him and attach his signature to the Blank of Authority, all in
accordance with Constitution and By-Laws.
The Snark will call on each Officer, and as his name is called
the Officer will arise, the Snark will give command, “Advance”, and the
Officer will advance to the center of Hall. The Snark will then command
“Salute”, and the Officer will salute. The Snark will then ask, ‘What is your
message?”, and the Officer will deliver his part of the Ritual as given.
Kittens, listen to this first commandment: Hold the button of black and white
and gold more sacred than all the decorations of potentates, for as love is
more precious than gold, and Brotherhood above rubies in worth, so this
button, speaking these two things within the golden circle, is beyond all the
baubles of a court. Let no hand remove it from its place. Let no greed for
money or preferment rob you of the right worthily to wear this emblem. It is
small, but by it alone can you be recognized in Hoo-Hoo Land, and it speaks a
great message. Without its modest whiteness, its stern black, guarding figure
and glittering edge of gold, you cannot pass the outer gates of the Gardens
where I stand guard. If your membership lapses, the button must be returned to
the Secretary. Keep well the treasure—this is the First Commandment.
It was my pleasant privilege to greet you as you first entered from the outer
darkness into the bright and shining light of Hoo-Hoo Land. You will soon have
eyes that can look into the effulgent rays which health brings and happiness
sheds—those conditions which give sweet benediction to the peaceful drifting
away of white-haired and earth-rewarded years. When you pass my station at the
inner gate, returning to the world, let the light you have received give life
to a distressed brother needing that help which even a pittance gives. Only,
remember this-to truly help, give something of yourself with the gift. So
shall duty never compel me to deny you entrance to the Gardens. Live the truth
and help the needy—this is the Second Commandment.
I come not from afar where mingling darkness and light do blind, but stand
close to Hoo-Hoo as he transmits yet six commandments, that you may be duly
impressed with the importance of the duties you owe Hoo-Hoo, in the
preservation of his robes of honor, his ritual of wisdom and those practical
injunctions promulgated through the Custocatian. When you in turn come to
handle the property of the Order, let duty carry you in fidelity to detail and
such loyal obedience to authority as forms the hard-visaged ranks of fighting
armies. Hoo-Hoo property will come into your hands in perfect order; keep and
surrender it thus, for the good of Hoo-Hoo. Keep faith with HooHoo and with
all men. This is the Third Commandment.
I met you as you emerged from the outer darkness and will guide your footsteps
through the waving greenness of the Gardens Right and Left; will watch over
you in the trials and tests which ever come to those who travel in darkness.
It is for me to bid you support the faltering steps of your Hoo-Hoo kindred in
their times of temporary blindness. Remember that they are but human; that
their feet are still in the green grass of the earth though their heads and
lifted toward the upper sky, and failing oft, may still be brought to see
again the sin of ingratitude, the beauty of love for mankind. So, reach out
ever a hand to help, to reclaim—this is the Fourth Commandment.
I come from that station in the Gardens where you will be required to take
upon yourselves a promise forever to cherish and protect the emblem of this
Order. There you will be called upon to make the most humble obeisance ever
required of you so long as Hoo-Hoo, the Prince of Good-fellowship and King of
Kindness of Heart, lets his light shine upon your pathway. Give to none an
intimation of that you hear or see here, when you have returned to the world
of men. Be not selfish, be not ungrateful; help a Hoo-Hoo in actual distress;
protect the honor and the virtue of the wives and daughters of all men; give
for the love of giving; strengthen for the love of giving strength. This is
Commandment the Fifth in the Nine points of the Star of Hoo-Hoo.
The work of the Scrivesoter, no less than that of the Custocatian, teaches the
lesson that loyalty is the small things of life leads to success. It is the
duty of the Secretary to have bound and filed on the shelf of honor in the
archives of Hoo-Hoo what you have said here of your past lives, that has given
us license to call you worthy to walk in Hoo-Hoo Land and taste its benefits.
It will also be his duty to fill in the blank space alloted to your future
acts of life. See to it that he is never compelled to write in it “unworthy”,
and thus terminate your connection with the Order to which you tonight pledge
allegiance. This is the Sixth Commandment.
I ask you to remember the lessons, and the joy and mirth of the Garden of the
Left. It will be kindly; it will be healthful; it will give action to the
bodily muscle and brain cell; it will be better than the mandrake root of
America or quinine of Peru to tone the system and oil the machinery of the
body, giving health, inspiring happiness, and securing long life. Therefore I
bid you make mirth and to love laughter of soul. This is Commandment the
Remember carefully the tradition of Hoo-Hoo you will hear in the Garden of the
Right. Hoo-Hoo can abide in the earth only when its civilization is good, its
manhood upright, its laws obeyed. Therefore, preserve the laws of
civilization, uphold the laws of the land. There are higher planes of life yet
untrod by man, and fallow soil now warm and waiting for the ploughshares of
those who will sow the seed of love and light. Loyalty to your country and
civilization will move us ever forward to the time when the hills and the
skies, the seas and the mountains, and earth’s valleys will all echo back
Health, Happiness and Long Life. Carry ye peace and good will to all mankind.
This is Commandment the Eighth.
Kittens, About Face! You have heard the Eight Commandments; the Ninth is to
obey the other Eight, for only our obedience and yours can make them vital.
Kittens, ever remember the lessons that Hoo-Hoo teaches. It is now enjoined
upon you that, in commemoration of the nine lives of the cat, you travel by
three times three through nine circuits, and when three circuits have been
completed, you will be presented to the Senior Hoo-Hoo for instruction.
Jabberwock, you will conduct them.
Jabberwock conducts Candidates three times around the Hall,
halts them at the Station of the Senior Hoo-Hoo.
Most Potent Senior Hoo-Hoo, under the mandate of the Snark of the Universe, I
here present these Kittens for instruction.
Weak-eyed wanderers in the infirm and sick old world, you stand in the pearly
light of breaking dawn in Hoo-Hoo Land. The Snark of the Universe has looked
upon your faces and pronounced them noble; the followers of Hoo-Hoo on. earth
have carefully perused what you have been pleased to say of yourselves and
have pronounced you worthy of admission within the shadow Hoo-Hoo throws upon
the earth tonight. Listen to the true story of Hoo-Hoo as handed down from
days beyond the pyramids of Ancient Egypt.
Hoe-Boo is Emperor of Happiness, of Health, of Long Life; the living spirit of
love and brotherhood. Hoo-Hoo once lived in the bodies of a mighty dynasty.
When the last Pharaoh of Old Egypt passed to the hall of Osiris, Great Hoo-Hoo
took up his abode beyond the confines of earth, only returning from his
cloud-encircled abode in the year of the calendar Gregorian numbered 1892. Now
he abides with men and will build up his kingdom till it encircles the earth.
too, Oh weaklings, that Hoo-Hoo is a merry prince; that all these funereal
trappings are but the outer form in which he hides from the common mob, as yet
unfitted to enter into the secrets of his life. Know, chosen ones, that you
have been favored above them; that you are about to be led into Hoo-Hoo Land
where the sun of good-fellowship ever shines, and the fervor of his beam
brings the human heart to its blossoming.
Hold, Most Potent Senior Hoo-Hoo! Reveal not yet all the effulgent blaze of
Hoo-Hoo Land to such tender eyes.
‘Tis well, weaklings. The Snark speaks ever wisely. Jabberwock, conduct the
Kittens again by devious windings thrice about the Gardens, thence to the
Bojum, that he may give them more light and strength.
Jabberwock conducts Kittens three times about the Hall, halting
at the Station of the Bojum.
Oh, Great Bojum, by direction of the Senior Hoo-Hoo I present these Kittens
that they may hear a final message before they are permitted to enter the
higher degrees of Hoo-Hoo.
You have been halted at this gateway to Hoo-Hoo Land to receive a final
message before you are eligible to enter the Biographical Degree of Hoo-Hoo.
the beginning, man, standing on the reef of time, has endeavored to pierce the
mystery of his being, but the question as to whence he came and whither he
shall go remains unanswered. The Fates gave no sign. The stars on which the
Chaldean bent inquiring eyes were silent. Dumb were the Oracles of Greece; in
vain the divination of the Roman; and today, the best that seer or priest can
offer us is hope. But for our consolation, and yours, who enter tonight the
mystic circle, out of the mists and shadows which stand between us and the
splendid philosophy of assurance, Great Hoo-Hoo steps forth, unfolding those
living principles of universal brotherhood, everlasting as the hills, which
are net only the foundation of our Order, but the surest promise to us,
wherever we may go, whatever we may do, or be, here or in the realms remoter,
of an existence beyond the shadows. This Ritual, within the covers of which
these eternal principles of life are contained, is a precious treasure which
it will be your duty, as it is ours, to guard against the touch of profane
hands or irreverent lips.
proceed along this beautiful road of enlightenment there will be revealed to
you, through Our Code of Ethics, the Aims and Purposes of this great
Brotherhood which you should strive to measure up to.
this message to guide you I declare you eligible for the Biographical Degree
of Hoo-Hoo. Jabberwock, you will again present these Kittens to the Snark.
Jabberwock presents the Kittens to the Snark’s station.
Oh, Great Snark, I, again, bring before you these Kittens who have taken the
Initiatory Degree of Hoo-Hoo and who desire to travel further into the land of
Perpetual Youth. What are your instructions?
Kittens, Great Hoo-Hoo is pleased with your desire to see and learn of the
beauty and mysteries of the Garden of the Left. The Garden of the Left holds
many great truths net revealed to you in the Garden of the Right, but before
you may learn these truths the Guardian of the Ritual will obligate you to
utmost secrecy. Jabberwock, present the Kittens to the Bojum that he may
The Jabberwock conducts the Kittens direct to the station of
You have again been halted at this gateway to Hoo-Hoo Land to assume an
obligation. We impose no oath with blood-curdling penalties. You stand here
simply as men before men, to pledge yourselves by what should be dearest to
you—your honor as men. You are to seal this obligation by saluting what is
dearest to our Order, the Sacred Ritual of Hoo-Hoo, set apart for the purpose.
This Ritual is precious, not because of the intrinsic value of the sparkling
gems which adorn its cover, but because it contains the traditions of Hoo-Hoo,
the teachings which have come down to us from the days before the Pyramids.
The Guardian of the Ritual will now present it to each in turn, and upon its
covers you must imprint an audible kiss. When this ceremony has been finished,
the hoodwinks will be raised, and for a brief moment you will be permitted to
gaze upon the magic symbol which it bears.
When the hoodwinks are raised, the Bojum, holding the ... in
reverse, shall say:
which you have kissed.
Here is sought to be created one of those sharp contrasts
between the solemn and the ridiculous that is the true essence of humor. The
Bojum’s charge, when properly read, is exceptionally impressive. The actual
act he enjoins is indescribably funny. While the Bojum is reading the charge
the Snark must impose absolute silence upon all, and Kittens must not in any
way be warned what to expect. Hoodwinks mast not be raised until after all
have kissed the Ritual, for if the mask is raised for each individual
candidate it will be impossible to maintain order and secure the result
The performance of this ceremony entitles you to the full mysteries of the
Biographical Degree, or the Degree of the Playful Kitten. The Jabberwock will
conduct you through the three remaining circuits to the Junior Hoo-Hoo that he
may instruct and test you.
The Jabberwock will see that all Kitten are blindfolded and
that his assistants have arranged a sufficient number of chairs in front of
the Junior Hoo-Hoo’s station, facing the Senior Hoo-Hoo, to seat all the
Kittens and that the Custocatian has all materials ready for use, as directed
by the Junior Hoo-Hoo. The Snark will maintain perfect order in the Hail and
all will be required to be seated except these assisting the Junior Hoo-Hoo,
the Jabberwock, and the Custocatian. All these officers will obstruct the view
of the members as little as possible.
Most Valiant Junior Hoo-Hoo, by command of the Bojum I here present these
Kittens who, having taken the oath of secrecy, are new before you to receive
further instructions and the tests of the Order.
From time immemorial it has been the custom of Hoo-Hoo to demand from each
stranger who entered his domain as a suppliant for his favor, a test of his
mental and physical capacity, the test being directed to that which would tend
to divert and interest. “A little nonsense new and then is relished by the
best of men.” Kings sometimes unbend, and even Great Hoo-Hoo himself is at
times pleased and amused by those lighter trifles which interest and entertain
ordinary mortals. From behind the somber curtains occasional rays of his
smiling brilliance shine out upon us, and are a constant source of increased
Health, Happiness and Long Life. Great Hoo-Hoo demands that sour physical
condition and capacity be fully tested in order that we may know whether or
not you will be able to stand the further tests demanded of all who walk in
the light. Above his throne is written: “No weakling enters here.” You will,
therefore, submit yourselves to the three tests of the senses.
The tests! The tests! The tests!
Before proceeding further the Junior Hoo-Hoo will request that
no member touch or assist any Kitten during these tests. Jabberwock and
assistants seat the candidates.
Kittens be seated.
your left hand on your breast and your right hand on your Hoo-Hoo.
JUNIOR HOO-HOO, after waiting a few seconds for all to see:
Your Hoo-Hoo is the top of your head.
this be a lesson to you. Keep ever in mind that your Hoo-Hoo will guide you
wisely always if you will but maintain the co-ordination with your heart. It
will guide you not only to bigger and better things in your every day business
life, but in the clean, wholesome social events which tend to make life
Junior Hoo-Hoo will follow instructions fully as to the test.
You will first drink from the fountain of youth, long sought for by the
ancients as a source of perpetual youth and beauty, for which even Ponce De
Leon searched ever a new continent in vain, but found at last only by the
followers of Great Hoo-Hoo. You will take in year right hand the beaker filled
with the immortal liquid, which I now present to you, and hold it above your
Hoo-Hoo. At the command, “Drink,” you will drain it to the dregs. DRINK!
After a brief pause the Junior Hoo-Hoo proceeds.
You will now smell the ... BREATH. Sweeter is it than the spices of Araby or
the flowers that bloom in the spring. Let your inhalations of it be long and
Junior Hoo-Hoo here passes in front of the Kittens and gives
each a chance to smell.
One more test remains. Members of the Concatenated Order of Hoo-Hoo must be
men of large kidney and strong stomach. As a test of the latter, and as a
feast symbolical of the origin of the Order, I now present you with a piece of
quivering ... fresh from our altar. Eat it, in token of your fitness for
membership in our Order and in obedience to its law. EAT IT!
After Kittens have eaten and silence is again secured,
Junior Hoo-Hoo turns to Snark and says:
The Kittens have been duly tested. What are your commands?
Most Valiant Junior Hoo-Hoo, you are fully aware of what is required of all
Kittens seeking the light of Hoo-Hoo Land. From time immemorial the unfit and
unwanted Kitten has been consigned to a watery grave. Rather than sentence
these to that last dire and moist fate, let us pause. If you are not satisfied
with the tests of these Kittens and feel that they have not been given every
opportunity to prove themselves worthy of admittance, you are hereby
authorized to give them such further tests as you deem necessary or advisable.
We certainly do not want to deprive any Kitten of the opportunity to prove his
possession of the physical and mental qualifications required of all who seek
Jabberwock, you will conduct the Kittens into the outer darkness, there to
await the further pleasure of Hoo-Hoo.
The Jabberwock conducts all Kittens to the ante-room. The
Junior Hoo-Hoo and Snark have before this agreed to whom further work is to be
given. Those to be tested remain in the ante-room. Those excused from further
work are brought into the Concat hall and seated in the “Onion Bed.”
NOTE: This portion of the ceremony of initiation is under
direct charge of the Junior Hoo-Hoo and such assistants as he may select and
appoint, and may be varied to suit the occasion. Anything, however, which is
opposed to morality or decency, or which may threaten personal injury to the
Kittens, is strictly prohibited. If the Snark has maintained good order in the
hall, during the conferring of the Ritual and all the foregoing part has been
administered with that solemnity which its impressiveness merits, a sharp
contrast will have been created with what is to follow, which will
immeasurably aid the Junior Hoo-Hoo in doing really effective work. If,
however, the Snark has not maintained decorum
and has permitted disorder to develop, nothing the Junior can say or do will
be new or surprising.
As the Junior finishes
with each Kitten, he is seated by the Jabberwock with the other Kittens in the
onion-bed. The Junior will refer to the Junior ritual for his aid in the work
that follows here and, as above stated, will see that nothing is allowed that
is opposed to morality or decency, or which may threaten personal injury to
After the Kittens have passed through the Junior work and are
seated in the onion-bed, and when all is ready to resume, the Junior will say
in loud tones:
Jabberwock, present all the Kittens at my station.
Jabberwock lines up all Kittens before Junior Hoo-Hoo, without
blindfold and with costumes removed.
Kittens, I congratulate you upon the excellence with which you have responded.
The tests are satisfactory to Great Hoo-Hoo, and he bids you a hearty welcome.
You have been duly tested, and your long journey and arduous tasks are now to
end. Hoo-Hoo, salute those who tonight have been duly born.
ALL MEMBERS led by Junior Hoo-Hoo:
Jabberwock, present the Kittens to the Snark of the Universe, that he may
communicate to them the secret work of the Order.
Jabberwock conducts Kittens to the station of the Snark.
Oh, Great Snark! by direction of the Junior Hoo-Hoo, I present these Kittens
that they may be instructed in the secret work of the Order.
We now come to the closing ceremonies and I shall proceed to deliver to you
the great message embodied in our Code of Ethics. Listen well.
As a courtesy to any visiting officer of Hoo-Hoo it is
suggested that the Snark invite him to read the Code of Ethics to the
SNARK (or whoever reads the Code of Ethics):
Code of Ethics which I am about to read to you represents the Aims and
Purposes of the Order. You will be given a copy of them later and these Aims
and Purposes of the Order should become the individual standard of every good
HOO-HOO CODE OF ETHICS
fill with credit the sphere in which we are placed without interfering with
the rights of others.
promote human advancement and higher standards of civic, social and economic
relations by developing in business the spirit of the Golden Rule, which we
accept as the basic principle of peace and prosperity for the world.
establish the spoken word on the basis of the written bond.
cultivate true friendship and therefore confidence among persons engaged in
the lumber industry, modifying the freedom of competition with the good sense
conduct ourselves and our business so that we may render service to society.
consider our vocation worthy and to be worthy of our vocation as the Nation’s
assist liberally and sympathetically all that seeks to elevate humanity, by
charity of action and thought and by justice to all men through the “Square
keep in view the world bonds of human interest and trade, seeking to promote
friendly understanding among all nations and races.
recognize the abiding power of co-operation and organization and so to act as
individuals that the Concatenated Order of Hoo-Hoo shall ever be regarded with
honor as a source of community benefit and good-will.
These things which I am about to transmit cannot be given to you outside the
guarded gates of the Gardens, and mark ye well each point.
sign of ceremony or recognition, called the Royal Challenge of Kinship,
consists of the following short colloquy:
Have some brother step forward who has button on, and explain
Question: Is that a ...?
Answer: Yes, a ..., ... with a ..., ...
Question: What is your purpose?
Answer: Promotion of ..., ... and ...
colloquy is also used by the Gurdon at the outer door before admitting you to
a Concatenation already assembled.
is no grip.
sign of distress is ...
the sign of distress cannot be seen or made, the following may be used ....
The Sign of Courtesy, known also as the Sign of the Order, and so called in
the obligation, is ... This sign may be used as a salute between members when
they meet. It is given three times during the ceremonies of opening and
closing a Concatenation, and is used once only as a salute upon entering or
retiring from a Concatenation, and whenever addressing the Snark.
will receive from the Secretary your Hoo-Hoo name. It will be a number.
once mere remind you that in Hoo-Hoo, the only fraternal organization of
lumbermen the world has ever known, there are more values than at first
appear. Here burns the fire upon our altar whose glow reveals your business
competitor not as an enemy, but a brother; that our destiny and happiness are
one, and that as we give ourselves to planting the seeds of Friendship and
Confidence we shall be better fitted to do that which business is properly
designed to do. This concludes the ceremonies of initiation, and with great
pleasure I welcome you to full membership in the Concatenated Order of Hoo-Hoo.
will be seated among your brothers.
After all are seated and quiet is restored:
Before closing this Concatenation, I desire to ask if any member has any
business referring to the Order to bring before the Concatenation, to be
submitted to the Supreme Nine for their action.
This refers to any criticisms or instructions for the good of
Officers and members, rise and give the Sign of the Order. In accordance with
the established rites of Hoo-Hoo, and by virtue of the power in me vested by
this Scroll of Authority holds up Blank of
Authority which has been signed by all the officers I declare this
Concatenation dissolved. Arcanoper, throw wide the gates of the Gardens, and
permit the light of Hoo-Hoo to shine forth like the rays of a beacon through
the darkness of the outer world.