Stonecutters

   

Note the square and compasses on the Stonecutter Charter.


This secret society is fully the figment of the imagination of the creators of the cartoon series The Simpsons. In the episode Homer the Great (episode 2F09, 1995) Homer Simpson joins this exclusive and secret society and a small fragment of this group is revealed.


The Stonecutters Lodge

Note the square and compasses on the wall.

The initiation ceremony consist of several tasks:

1. Leap of Faith (the blindfolded candidate has to jump from a height of about a foot)
2. Crossing the Desert (the candidate has to walk between to lines of Stonecutters, everyone paddles his rear end with a bat)
3. The Unblinking Eye (the candidate has to walk between to lines of Stonecutters, everyone paddles his rear end with a bat)
4. The Wreck of Hesperus (the candidate has to walk between to lines of Stonecutters, everyone paddles his rear end with a bat)
5.
The Paddling of the Swollen Ass ..., with Paddles (speaks for itself).

After completing these tasks, the candidate has to give an obligation: “... and by the Sacred Parchment, I swear that if I reveal the secrets of the Stonecutters, may my stomach become bloated and my hair be plucked of all but three hairs.”
 

The word of welcome after the initiation is made by Number One; after that the chairman of the local chapter resumes: “You have joined the sacred order of the Stonecutters, who, since ancient times, have split the rocks of ignorance that obscure the light of knowledge and truth. Now let’s all get drunk and play ping-pong.”
 

During the meal the traditional Stonecutters song is sung:

“Who controls the British crown?
Who keeps the metric system down?
We do! We do!

Who leaves Atlantis off the maps?
Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
We do! We do!

Who holds back the electric car?
Who makes Steve Guttenberg a star?
We do! We do!

Who robs the cave fish of their sight?
Who rigs every Oscar night?
We do! We do!”

Membership of the Stonecutters is open for sons of Stonecutters or males who saved the life of a Stonecutter. Members address each other with their membership number.
The Stonecutters are led by a World Council. The members of this World Council were in 1995: George Bush Sr., Jack Nicholson, Orville Redenbacher and Mr. T.

To read the script of the Simpson's Stonecutters episode click on the link below:

http://www.snpp.com/episodes/2F09.html


 

 

         

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